I was always encouraged to play with my food. Here’s a play starring my food.
Badass Biker Boyfriend played by Pan Fried Rump Steak
Young, Sexy, Oiled-up Vixen played by Potato “Golden Girl” Wedges
Vixen’s Fat Friend played by Tub of Marscapone
Boyfriend’s Sweet Friend played by Sweet Chili Sauce
Vixen’s Sensible Mother played by Grated Cucumber
Biker Boyfriend rides in on his CO2-spewing vacuum-packaging fresh from the icy fridge. He warms up next to the stove while Vixen takes a short 10-minute bath in a pot of boiling water. Vixen sashays out the pot and onto a baking tray where she slathers herself in Macadamia nut oil. She adds a bit of colour to her cheeks with a sprinkling of Paprika. Before Biker Boyfriend can rub up against her, she jumps into a scorching, 200ºC oven and works on her tan for about 10 – 15 minutes.
Irritated with the snub, Biker Boyfriend reckons he could do with a little tanning, too. He rubs his muscles with olive oil and crushed pepper before carefully stepping into a smoking hot pan. He’s very meticulous about timing his tan – he’s a metro-man. After four minutes on one side, he turns over and sears his back for another four. He knows Vixen likes him just on the medium side of rare. Once done, he steps out onto a server to lounge around, admire his luscious colour and wait for Vixen.
Vixen turns up the heat to grill for another two minutes, just to seal that tan. She then steps out of the oven and eyes Biker Boyfriend from the stove. Mmmm…
Biker boyfriend makes sure he’s perfectly cut into slices. He doesn’t need to be all tough around his girl. Vixen then joins Biker Boyfriend on the server and envelops him. They look so sexy together…
Before they can bite into each other, Vixen’s Sensible Mother catches the two of them lying down and she positions herself firmly in between them. All this oil, meat and starch just spells heartburn, so she’s there to keep things on the safe side.
Next, Vixen’s Fat Friend shows up with Biker Boyfriend’s Sweet Friend, and now with all the added company, Biker and Vixen have no choice but to make this a social occasion. The five of them mingle happily on that large server, touching, grazing and melting each other’s delicious ideas into the greatest meal ever tasted.